Friday, November 07, 2008

Starting Over -- Yet again

I think, finally, all the dramatic changes have been made to my life for a while. Most of those changes I'll not be talking about so I can digest them and incorporate them into my being first before sharing with everybody else. And, chances are good some of 'em will never be shared. They're "nunya.*"

Now, I'm trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. Again. It's a phase I go through after major life-shifts. I've a half-dozen or so passions that are put on hold whilst life intercedes and demands my undivided attention. They've been put on hold entirely too often and for entirely too long. I want to do all of them. Now.

I'm one of those poor souls who has to have some kind of schedule, some kind of order in my life to be happy or feel in control and I *must* feel in control or I'm just flat cranky. But life does not agree with me. I've learned that whatever schedule or order one imposes upon one's life, there must be allowance for the chaos. Because chaos will *always* toss in a monkey wrench to keep you on your toes. Keep you humble.

I'm not quite sure why life doesn't get any easier as you go along. Seems to me all those experiences ought to be good for something other than angst. Trying to learn from 'em doesn't seem to affect anything. Life just continues to take a dump on your little world when you least need it.

Ok, back to the passions. What are they? Hmmmm. Reading, writing (I really want to be published -- or like someone else I've read said [forgive me for forgetting who wrote it] "I want to have written"), 3D imagery / 2D digital art, watercolor, and gaming (computer games, of course -- not gambling; don't understand gambling -- currently World of Warcraft).

I'm diligently working reading back into my life. I've sorely missed it. I used to be one of those folks who bought 3-5 books a week AND READ THEM. Then, suddenly, about 15 years ago, the books I bought just stacked up beside the bed and never got read while life pooped all over me. In the last 15 years, if I read a half-dozen books, I'd be shocked. So, I try to read every day now. I've met with acceptable success. Now I'm in a position where acquisition of reading material presents a challenge (one of those major life changes I'm digesting). So, I and are gonna be great buddies.

Writing -- going back to the blog is an attempt at jumpstarting that particular passion. I've boxes of old manuscripts I'll be dusting off and reviewing, editing, and -- hopefully -- submitting. Perhaps I can get things pointed back to that moment in time when I was meeting some limited success. Get back there and make that train go.

The 2D / 3D imagery was something I'd started 15 years ago and dropped shortly thereafter because of life issues that drastically altered my budget and back then it was a VERY expensive passion to indulge. Now it's much more affordable and I'm trying to get back into it -- have been trying for the last four years. It's been fits and starts, but perhaps now I can put some order to it.

The watercolor has never been given the attention it should. I keep waiting for "the right time."

The gaming is something I've clung to for my sanity. It's kept me from climbing a tower somewhere and doing the unspeakable.

I'm figuring out that one has to stake a claim for the right time. I'm staking my claim now (again). Time for me to indulge me. Start *my* life over. Yet again.

Dammit. It's my turn.

*nunya: Family slang for "none of your business"


Post a Comment

<< Home