Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Instant Gratification

I hadn't realized until the last few years just how much of an "instant gratification" person I am. A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that my intimate relationships and work environment had me pretty much taking care of everybody else post haste. Besides, our pre-assembled and microwave-ready society doesn't help.

At some point, I began to expect reciprocation. Yeah. I know: that was stoopid. But, ya-know, dammit--I do expect my turn!

Now, expect is way different from demand. And, there's still a little part of me that hopes someone else will do all the shite-work.

I mean, c'mon: I feed the stinking animals day after day, make sure they have fresh water, clean the cats' litterbox, pick the dog's crap off the carpet. You'd think the least they could do is mop a floor or a load of dishes or SOMEthing...

See, I was raised that if I wanted something -- either a fun activity or a pretty or something -- I had to work for it. If I worked, when I was done I could have the fun activity or the bauble or whatever had caught my fancy at the moment. As an adult, of course, I know that's not really the way it works. But, that's the way I treat myself. Typically, I will do some particularly important and despised household chore with my eye on playing with new software as the reward, only to find myself doing other chores that are equally as important and despised simply cuz they need to be done. And, of course, I'm forfeiting the reward when I do that, because after it's all done I've run out of time.

Then there's the other side of the coin, where I say "F*** it! I'm gonna play!" and then I have my fun instead of doing the chores that really need to be done. The downside of that of course is the natural consequences that come when you don't do your laundry or let the dishes pile up, oh jeez! we all know what that's like. We've all done it at least once.

It sux. I don't like the choices.

But, unfortunately life is what you make out of the hand you've been dealt...and just when it seems I've got my card-house almost done... I blow it down all myself and I have to start over again.

I'm such a whiner. But it's okay, Mercury enters retrograde today. I'm *supposed* to whine.